My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You smell like stripper and shame
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
