I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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