he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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