So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
