who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
