Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
