If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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