I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
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Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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