I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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