i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.