Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
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in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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