omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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