Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
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So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up