"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.