so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.