Hey man sorry I got all grabby
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
