Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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