I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
