my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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