Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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