and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
