So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
