what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
