so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
