I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
