I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
