I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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