Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
