Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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