The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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