Will you blow on my dice?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
