So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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