I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
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I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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