I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
