dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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