All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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