A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
