you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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