You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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