It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
