He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
