i think my mom watched the whole time
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just high enough for therapy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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