I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
