party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
