he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize