Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
