You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
