We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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