Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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