When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
