Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
