We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
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Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
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I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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