note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
