Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
