Where did you get a picture of my penis
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I smell stomach acid.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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