What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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