So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
