Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
