he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
