I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
