She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
