trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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