In the future we'll all be gay
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
