Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
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She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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