Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
